so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
