Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
