He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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