Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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