Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
