I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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