I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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