Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
