she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
