i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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