I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
