guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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