walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
