No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I faked an abortion last night.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I would ride that face into the sunset
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
