We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
