either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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