My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
