She is in my trunk
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
