i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
