Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
