cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
