Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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