don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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