I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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