the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
