Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
