just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
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The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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