you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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