True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
