2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
