we're chasing vodka with high fives
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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