I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
