It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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