At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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