I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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