p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
