There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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