Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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