there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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