Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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