i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
