I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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