i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
