I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize