I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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