Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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