Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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