Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize