just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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