"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Randomize
