My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Randomize
