so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
no you cant smoke seaweed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
