another moral hangover. fuck.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
