Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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