So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
