just come out here and I will go home with you...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
