beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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