Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
