I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
