I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
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