I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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