We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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