I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
