i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
