True but thats because hes a fetus.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
