You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
