I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
