What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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