I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
