I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Pappa wants mamma naked
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
