It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
