I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
