I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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