maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
