Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
