y did u give ur computer a hand job?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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