It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
