I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
