the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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