is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
