Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
