a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
